Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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