Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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