I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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