i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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