I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
