somebody snuck up and got me drunk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
