and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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