obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
