No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
