So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
