explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
