I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
