Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
