If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
