Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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