Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
