i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
