I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
