ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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