sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
