You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
