In the future we'll all be gay
from now on my penis is your penis
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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