The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
