dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
