im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
