Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
