You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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