u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
