Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You left your phone here
Wait...
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