You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
