You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
