dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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