He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
