My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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