Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
