hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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