I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
