I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
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No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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