That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
