Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
