did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
