you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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