You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
