We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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