Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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