dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
