It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
