Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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