Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
