and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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