Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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