Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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