yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
