I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize