Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
