Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
