I feel great
I just peed on a car
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
