i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
