if you like me you must not know who I am
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
