Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
