She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
