then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
