i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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