You just made me feel so damn special
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
