But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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