I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out