I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking