why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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