Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
