He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
