sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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