So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
